Break up and make up

This is might be the first time I will wrote this kind of post. Might be awkward after those opposite posts I used to posted. 
A lovely dovey date on weekend, it'll be opposite in this weekend. 

He had always been the understanding guy.. he understands enough how I feel and how I want. 
It's been 3 years together with him. So many memories.. mostly happy moments. 
To talk how he is, he is a very different guy. In his young age.. he acts more mature than a old guy can be. He is a typical guy that THANKFULLY egoist enough to just always follow his heart. 
I'm not a perfect girl, compare to those girls he met and his friends.. I got no face (I'm not as pretty as those girls he hang out with), got not the body, the act, the charm, the cute.. just simply un-perfect girl..
But he is just being the way he is. He choose to be with me, just because the way I am, and by that.. he already made me as the luckiest girl ever. 

Enough about it.. 3 years had happened a lot. I remember when the time.. we separated.. and then he came back.. then there was time where we fought and ended up.. we took a break.. 1 month? 2 month? I don't remember.. don't even want to remember it. 

Tonight.. again.. because I'm so too not perfect.. NO! simply coz I'm too egoist? too stupid? that I just even don't realized I've been hurting you.. hurting you between our laugh.. between our moment.. between our hugs..

Tonight.. how I wish we just couldn't met tonight.. as much as how wish it's not raining right now.. 
I'm so so sorry.. I guess calling you a bad boy is just too wrong.. when you are treating me more than a good boy could ever do.. 

Tonight.. you feel relief right? After you finally could tell me.. I hope you finally could feel relief.. 
What I just can't simply accept is.. that when you said it to me.. I expected a harsh way of yours.. but no.. you said it perfectly.. carefully.. I didn't even could feel any pain.. 
But right now.. sitting like this in this room that seems to be squeezing me more than ever, hurts me. 
I feel the pain.. not because the thing you confessed to me.. but the fact that I could see.. I am the wrong person.. how could I hold my ego even front of you. 

Right now I can see.. I can understand you.. after these moments.. I finally can understand you.. 
no wonder.. my friends asked me.. "What kind of girlfriend are you?" .. no wonder either.. you girl-friends mostly hate me.. I treated you nothing compared how you treated me.. 

I don't have any words to say.. other than... I'm so deeply sorry.. sorry.. just a simply sorry..
What makes me crying right now.. just that how nice you really are.. how you really know me.. 
when I stupidly yelled at you: "SO, YOU WANT TO BREAK UP WITH ME?" "YOU JUST WANT FUCKING BREAK UP WITH ME RIGHT?" - If I did that to other guy.. I'll be beaten up, but since it was you.. you knew I got a bad temper.. so all you did .. saying sorry when you actually the that hurt-ed.. 

HOW I FUCKING NEED MY BEST-FRIEND IN THIS KIND SITUATION!!! 
MY HEART.. I COULD FEEL THE PAIN IN EVERY PART INSIDE MY BODY!!


Just by this painful night.. I really want to tell you that I'm not ready to let you go.. but if tomorrow you'll say that it's over.. you know I'm flexible in facing reality.. but I don't know how flexible I could be in this case..  


"Let's love each other till we completely blinded to see around us" -By..you-